Worst Stepmother Award

Yup, I've won the worst stepmother award. According to Punkin' I'm the worst stepmother because I make her follow the rules and do her homework. I make her responsible for herself and her actions. Well sue me. So sorry, but if that is her worst complaint, well Jesus I'm doing something right...aren't I?

I have long suspected it's not me she is mad at. I was right. She came to me and was upset that she hadn't been "allowed" to see her mother. She blamed me, said I wasn't letting her go. Oh how I wish it was that easy. Her Dad and I explained that her mother had not called the last two Sundays. She was livid. I don't blame her. She ranted, she raved, she screamed, she told me "Its because she doesn't know how to be a mother! That's why I live with you and Daddy. You take care of me and I love you Mom!"

I love her too. I hate that she has to go through this. I wish I could smack some sense into her mother. I wish I had any remote clue as to what goes through her mother's head. I wish a sweet 7 year old didn't have to deal with adult problems and emotions. I am thankful that after about 5 minutes of rage, she always calms down. She always hugs me. She always says or signs "I Love You". I love that. I can say the only *blessing* that this is providing is Punkin' is much more responsible.

She is doing the dishes, washing the windows, vacuuming the apartment, helping fix up the new apartment. Today on the way to school I told her I loved her. She asked me to stop saying I love her so much. When I asked why she replied, because you embarrass meee! She then asked if she could walk to class by herself. I shot a glance at Daddy. He made the same face I did. The answer was NO WAY! But I told her she could, but I had to walk her to the front door of the school, its the rule in our house. (Yea I make up rules on the spot....so shoot me). She whined for a half a second, but thought better of that because she knows I would have changed my mind.

The rest of the ride to school she sang and talked to herself about how she could be responsible and walk herself to class. I had a panic attack the rest of the ride. Clearly our emotions are not aligned. I wrestled with my thoughts. What if she got lost? She is 7 and in the 1st grade, so why can't I let her try walking alone? The teacher is going to think we abandoned her...we walk her down every day. If she took the bus, she would walk alone to class. Why is this so hard?

I didn't-ish walk her to class. I walked her into school, got my kiss good bye and followed about 5 feet behind her. She noticed, put her hands on her hip and said "Mom, you said you weren't going to walk me to class today. I'm responsible." Deep breath. I know, you are responsible. I'm going to wait at the office to make sure you go around the corner. *Panic* I did as I promised. I waited by the office until she turned the corner down the hallway......then I followed her. I went to the corner, because I can see her teacher and class from there. I waved at the teacher. Phew, she doesn't think I abandoned my child. Punkin' spotted me and I signed I love you...and waited for the dirty look because I was embarrassing her. Or a worse look for following her. It didn't come! She signed I love you back and I left...still panicking. The panic didn't go away until I was back in the car with Sweet Pea and Hubby. (Its back after typing. I'm thinking about tomorrow....ugh).

What made me smile today? She told me she heard a "uka-lady" in the song we listened to in the car. Yes, a uka-lady instead of a ukulele..